Teary Love (a prelude to a celebration on the 14th of february)

(I am writing this inspired by Mark Milallos's "Love:My ValentinE Note". )

The happiness I feel when someone tells me "I love you" could neither be brought by the attack of my hormones or by the hast pumping of my heart's ventricles. Funny, but, deliberatley speaking, I never felt that way for years now (coming from someone mutually special) except, though, from my family and friends. Now that it's just a few sleep before valentine's day, will I ever feel my heartbeat skipping again? Nevertheless, I was once told by my sisterfriend, "when you love someone, you just love, that's it."  Like a simple subject-verb agreement. To me, nothing  will ever explain the meaning of love; it will remain an act very difficult to understand (harder than x + y).

When I learned that my bestfriend Jairah had a boyfriend for years now, I was happy for her. When my closest friend Janet pronounced her love to Pj and Pj did as well in return, it was remarkable. My BESTEST friend in high school lurked with joy when her alll-time crush unexpectedly confessed his love to her. These cute stories of how love evolved in the universe are just a few. However, the reality of seeing people around you blinking eye to eye with their "someone special" or being in facebook getting less attention from your friend because she's at another planet busly chatting with her boyfriend, is HILARIOUS to me. : P It's of my least prerogative to make my day with someone waiting for me until my afternoon class is done and holds my hand for a walk. Is it? Perhaps it is. I don't wanna get wind up with a relationship that will break my neck "again". I'm not insecure, I just wanna be secured. Get what I mean? : D

Now a friend of mine knocked me on the head and tells me, "Move on". I'll pray to all gods of the planets to heal me at this instant, if there is. We ought to travel life's journey hoping to make it the best, yet, filling it with special moments is quite unpredictable. After I had a taste of the bittersweet passion fruit of love, I never believed in it anymore. That the saying "there's no such thing as a happy ending" became one of my mottos in life. I accept. Emotions and perceptions sometimes affect our whole being, our whole life. Ika-nga, Experience is the best teacher. Whether it happened because it's your partner's fault, yours, or a third party, it just so happened! There's no time machine in love. But, there's a driver who can make the ride worth it. I'll never be a good driver, I know.

One day, I woke up wanting to save my heart again. I wanted to scream. My heart can no longer feel anything, it can hardly breathe. My hearts says "Go on, feel the love again, feel me beating". I went sad. My mind and body never responded. And I suppose it will remain that way for now. I'm not Madam Auring of course to tell you that I'll never fall in love again. I will. There's no perfect time and such perfect security in love. Once, a historical person said, "it's not about the worth of the person you are fighting for, it's the worth that you put to a person when you fought for the love you feel for him". Oh di bah? Ni sink in nah?  : D If it does not, here's another one from another reliable being, "we both decided to fight the fight that needs fighting. At least we know that we did our best even if our best at times is not good enough. For only the Father knows who and what is best for us!" Very fruity. haha. The two pairs of "singkit bananas" inspire me so much. 

Valentine's Day, my Valentine's day! I dont actually care whether I'm having a date on the 14th or not, I might as well do it on the next feb 14th, or the next next feb 14th. Who knows? only God knows.  : D

Oh well. To your sister, to your friend, to your neighbor, to someone sitting beside you who learned to love and is thinking now if he/she ever will again, ponder on these. Coz I've got to ponder too. 

ADVANCE HAPPY HEARTS DAY.! ♥♥♥