Have you ever had the feeling that you wanted to do everything all at once, eying to be as perfect as you want those to be, however, fate wouldn't let those in? Or serving not just one or two masters at the same time, but, a handful? I am honestly wondering why at the very first coincidental time, I am writing this out of nowhere. I don't even know if this will turn out good. I just wanted to divulge my perception and confused emotions for the instances of being dampened, of having myself out casted, or for the mere sense of secluding myself from people who ought to be so insensitive. Insensitivity roots from a lot of feelings & I'm not absolutely certain if I'm having one now.
The reality of the pain I feel every time my world disagrees with my wants is no doubt understandable to me. I may not hide the wishes and desires of my heart but my actions alone would speak for my imaginative thoughts. Nevertheless, I continue to exist for people to feel the happiness that I might perhaps give them in ways only me can do. The circumstances are deemed to be very pressing in my heart, lately. I bluntly focused on overshadowing people each time they gave me the wink to step right beside them, oftentimes, in their melancholic moments of sadness and sorrow. The sting of vibration from their hurting voices would similarly tell me to mourn. Myself has never been greedy. I never thought of me & my sake alone, I never thought twice for my willingness to guide, serve, and usher comfort. However, weakness has been very consumable & ate me up entirely, in a very horrible way. I went weak in an honest note for reasons that only me can fully reflect on.
In life, we do good, we do better, and we do the best things for a bounty of reasons. People may either perform and comply because they are in awe to live their admirations in truth, or they wholly LOVE because they want to be appreciated in a very special, unlikely way. But to me, I love and care because I feel happy about it, not because I am being given the chance to wait for something to be shipped back into my doorstep nor for the simple expense of others to share a little of what they own to me. I have always been happy making and seeing other people happy, not always wanting to please them on their end, but, gaining self-fulfillment on mine.
Reverence to what I used to be, I am may no longer be the typical me. My heart is glued to life's facts that we are not born to provide, to give, and to praise, ALWAYS. We once thought we can be as the best that we can, as great as someone who's at the top, as mighty as superman who can do almost the impossible. A certain realization sometimes would hurt us, but, often teaches us to survive. I have my own life. One that need not be perfected yet polished; a life lived in my own perspectives and spent with my own strength to succeed. I will run and traverse through it my own way. My only pains for living it truthfully are the instances when I am not held in the strongest means of appreciation. I say I do not want anything in return, but, it lowers our spirit when we have lavishly poured and drained our strengths, yet, we are disregarded and unappreciated at the same time. We need spoken words to somehow remind us that we are aren't perfectly made, but, we can always do the most applicable and commendable one. We all lose to win back. We fail to pass. We get hurt to be strong. But, through all these, we also get TIRED. We tire because our hearts can no longer translate what our mind would like to command us or we eventually weaken because we are not loved and treasured after all the sacrifices. I am hurt because I am dampened. I am in pain because I cannot feel the sense of importance I portray. Now, things are clearer. I no longer worry nor fret for loads I cannot carry and not cry for spilled milk.
Sometimes, everything eventually happens for unrevealed reasons. I now dare to live my life the happiest, no longer the complex. By means of accepting the unacceptable, I can grow with a vibrant heart. Those who'll remain with me, I will keep, and those who do not, I won't. My principle of being a warrior amidst all the crisis will always be with me, but, I would wish to modify it in a little easy way. I will always be the strongest, nevertheless, I will be not alone for everybody, but, for myself above all. We are made with accordance to God's providence, will, & creativity, and I believe that I am destined to be in a place where I should be. A place with persons whom I can deal with without hesitation for I know they will remain true despite my inabilities, and they can be the proudest in all of my success. Those who will never think twice to stand for me and say, "I AM VERY PROUD OF YOU." 
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