Success for my mother..

"When her baby cries, she hurries to make a bottle of milk. She cuddles him hard to lighten up a smile. Everyday, her mind and her body builds fatigue without complaining. "For my child", she says. Her shoulders are strong to carry, and her hand is wide open for a magic touch only a mother could do."

When I was a little child, about 4 or 5, my mama was away. Distance was the hardest. Well, I couldn't blame her for wanting to provide everything that I needed. She was a baker, not a typical one for me. My mom cooked well; from filipino to american dishes. At one point of my life, I had forgotten a part her. I called my aunt sally "mama" (my mom's look-a-like), sometimes I called my mom "auntie". Sort of confusing though coz i never got to see both of them often. My grandma took my mom's place for quite some time and my grandpa was always a father figure to me. Mama went home once a week. She used to bring me clothes to wear, food that I had to share with friends, and those little things a lil girl needs.

There came a time when my mom was to marry someone new, drastically 'new' to me. It was like a heavy blow on my grandma's part. She went into a process of getting-used-to no longer being with me. The new family I was into had to travel thousands of miles away from my hometown..I struggled to adjust and embrace a new living. As I was growing, my entire family always tell me this: "You're like an old woman trapped in that tiny lady's body".. Haha! I didn't fully understood what was that all about not until I turned 12 or something. I spoke like an old woman, i acted like one, and I think like I lived for a century. They used to give me candies and jellys in replacement for my service of course: I needed to sing my spanish song!.  I can still recall the exact words of that very precious creation. It was a living resemblance of my grandma's love for me. "y jano es tas masa me lado corazon" (pls bear with the spelling)..

It only took us about a year and a half in the states. We decided to travel back and start a new living where our hearts truly belong. Not long enough, my mama and my stepdad filed for a divorce. I was glad back then. Our was house constantly banged and echoed with voices, shouting and screaming. They have never gotten well with each other months after their marriage and never been into a progress. Funny to say that during my commencement exercises, I had to choose between the two. Who would climb up on stage and who's going to sit down and watch. I had to transfer from my school in the urban to the very little rural school in our province. My mama had to make the toughest decision, to stay with him or to let go. And she chose the latter. I'm as well glad she did the right thing. I was then reared in a catholic school. During my freshman year, I was a total pain in the ass.! I never followed instructions given to me; well; I had my own  set of rules of course. I was good in english, and I wouldn't brag, because it's the only subject I got interested to. My teacher would suddenly call me in the middle of the street andmade me hurry because an essay contest was about to begin. Or my classmates would chase me outside the campus to get back because we had no representative for the poster-making contest. oho! Apparently, I always got into our class ranking. The strong spirit never left me, though, at times I was reprimanded. I was never stubborn, I only had this feeling that we all deserve justice and fairness by all means. So, when my teacher would tell me, "Lesley, you clean the female comfort room, that's your punishment for being 10 minutes late." I just smiled and turned my back after she spoke, as if I never heard anything. Why on earth would she command me to do such thing? If she tells me otherwise to say sorry or sit down outside until the lecture's done, I wouldn't have to think twice.Well, they all got used to "me" being "me". They never ever have seen me failing my grades nor ignoring my responsibilities in school. Just don't step on me. I have had a bunch of friends, well of course, I didn't know who among them remained true to my back, but, they definitely made my HS life worthwhile, including my class advisers. They molded me to be where I am now. They were mothers who gave me pieces of advice when I felt so desperate after minute failures. They helped me walk the through the long journey. I graduated with honors and my graduation day was a memorable one. With all the support coming from my Mother, my advisers, and my closest friends, I managed to pull the strings and made it to the end.

College life was never an easy one. I had faced those thick-paged books, joggled over the NCP's, memorized every bone there is in our skeletal system, or even learned how to perform the simple hand washing technique.Nursing was never part of my historical nor my futuristic plans. For the benefit of being so "dirty", I say dirty because I was never organized with my things, it was destiny who brought me into a field that would teach me a lot! A part from being clean now of course, I am slightly "organized". Of all, I learned how to manage my time very well. Time is your number one enemy in nursing, except if your born naturally "lazy".  I was glued on being a class president for a number of terms, I joined CWTS Facilitator's league, and became part of the NSBO.At the end of my second year, my health was not doing good and I had to rest for a while. Actually, it wasn't just a while. The whole 365 days made me MORE SICK! But, I recovered though. I came back and went through a lot of responsibilities again. I thought I had escaped those, but, being wrong sometimes hurts. NSBO is something I considered a life beyond just being an ordinary student.

 PENLIGHT on the other hand, made me enhanced my writing skills. Before, I was an assoc editor, now, I am Editor-in-chief. The offer of becoming one confused my decisions at the beginning. I wanted to focus more on my academics, but, later I found out it was even more than an accomplishment serving the department publication. When I furnished the first journalism workshop, my heart leaped with joy seeing the class presidents actively participating, and hearing positive comments from everybody. It was an ultimate success. Not long, we also came up with the monthly newsletters, by which all important events,awards, and recognitions of the college were announced. Everyone's encouragement were so powerful that I had made my heart love the task. It wasn't a task after all, it was a privilege. My staff is now working very hard, and me harder. I have to do it and I'm loving it.

Now graduation is very near, I'm stuffed up with pressures. I don't wanna fail the re valida, but, I'm thinking I will. I am not prepared, honest to everyone. Whatever it takes, I wont fret because I will do my best with all my knowledge. UC has made me a true person, one that exists for a certain purpose. I found my heart in the institution; it watered my abilities, made me withstood all the hardships and gave me the fruit of all my sacrifices: happiness. Months from now, I'll tearfully leave my alma matter, but, I am very proud to say that I will still be helping it in any way that I can.  All of you totally wowed my college years. For long I had been all alone in life,  with my MOTHER the only person hearing and understanding who I am and who I ought to be, but, unexpectedly, you ALL made me whole. My joys of being with you is incomparable and is beyond anything I can ever dream of.

When I look back on how life has brought me here, I smile with tears falling from my eyes. See at how that little girl astonishingly fought for everything she has eyed on. How at a very young mind and heart had she made her thoughts of achieving a tiny part of  what we call success "possible". Her mother was  the only one she had, her armor, and her protector.

"You may not know, I'm one of those million kids on earth who never had a biological father, deeply saying! I have not much to say about him, I barely saw even his shadow. Perhaps on a photo my mother showed me once, now, I hardly know where it is." Still, I am very thankful for the bounty of things God has gifted on me.

(entry finally done, Feb-17-2011)